Perfectly Imperfect, A Lesson

Alternative Healing

Dispatches From Beyond – Stories of Quantum Healing
A BQH Session with Serafice, facilitated by Patricia Dawson

…During my BQH session, I find myself at a crucifixion, not ‘the’ crucifixion but one of 4 or 5 people on display in various stages of agony. I have been to crucifixions in a few earlier sessions but this does not have that same energy; this feels simply a place of everyday cruelty and not the drama that enslaves nations. I am definitely in the ancient Roman Empire, and I can feel the oppressive weight of control on the people all around me.

I turn my head to try to see where I am headed as I shuffle by the brutality on display and find myself shocked by an inability to move as expected. I have a sudden awareness of the limits to my form which feels misshapen and awkward with a distinct inability to stand up straight or effectively move. I am hunched forward to almost a bow and unable to stand straight, and as I become aware of my malformed appendages I settle into who I am in this experience.

I am male, a human but not ‘normal’ as my body is deformed, heavy in places it should not be and bent into a strange semblance of contorted limbs and wracked with pain. I appear to move around in a full lurching bow and am unable to stand straight or walk without a strange shuffle and constant drool. I am aware of an omnipresent state of discomfort and pain this version of me has felt their whole life and it opens my heart just a little more to know myself so. I find it frightening to feel stuck in this weak and misshapen body and maintaining my state of consciousness becomes more complicated by the physical sensations with which this aspect of me is burdened and the impulse to flee bubbles up from my unconscious.

This body feels unsafe and uncoordinated, it is a difficult maneuver for me to turn my head up to see where I am going but I finally manage to get a good look at the men crucified before me. I confirm that it is indeed simply every day misery occurring before me and I am disturbed by the cruelty so present in this place. My conscious mind disgust bubbles up and I recognize the personality I am experiencing has similar thoughts even though they are rare for this time.

It seems once again I am restricted in how I can express myself simply because my particular views on the world endanger my existence where conformity is a necessary state for survival. I am aware that I need to keep my thoughts to myself so that I don’t become one of the crucified. The inherent frailty in this form disturbs my sense of equilibrium as my need to scan for threats pulls at my conscious awareness.

Settling deeper into my session I start to piece together the story of this experience. I came into this world malformed and my mother immediately rejected me. It was my father who saved me in this life, he saw something in me when I was born that he felt compelled to make room for in his house. Normally, babies like me are killed or allowed to die but my father had money and though my mother wanted nothing to do with me, he thought keeping me was the appropriate thing to do.

My father saw there was a strength in me when I was born and chose to give me the opportunity to thrive and become, to make something of myself and for myself. Not as a full-fledged member of his wealthy family or society at large but as a measure of my Father’s grace and benevolence, a literal manifestation of his becoming a man of stature in the community and a figure of righteousness in the political realms. If he cared for his disabled child, the assumption became he must be a decent person worthy of leading and therefore I enriched my entire family just by existing.

I was mostly in the kitchen or in other areas of the home away from the status and expectations of wealth, not really integrated with the family or expected to take a role in the business of being from a family of means though I was educated, tolerated, and congenial with my siblings I tend to keep to the outskirts. Some of this is because of my differences and inability to physically keep up but a lot of it is my gentle nature that seeks to avoid the unpleasantness prevalent in maintaining social expectations.

When people first meet me, they are startled by my differences, and I do get stares and insults but those that know me are in celebration of my shlumping arrival. There is something very striking about the way I look, an intelligence that sparks from my eyes and enlightens my face with a warmth that people connect to despite my awkward appearance. The way I walk, the very way I move is odd and calls attention to me and I cannot help but be a spectacle lurching and stumbling everywhere I go encouraging others to take pause and count their blessings.

But, there is also a gentleness to me that people respond to and my warm giving nature makes me a valued member of my community. I seem to have a way of lighting up a room and finding smiles and so many that I meet get great pleasure in the light that I am. I am proud to have been able to make it well into my thirties in a time when most born like me don’t make it through their first night and I feel very honored and supported even as my body hurts so much it drives me out of the experience.

I see how my deformities in this alternate me allowed me to pierce the veil of programming so prevalent in the world, giving me a perspective that was different enough to allow me to know my reality in a very singular way. I am reminded again as I find the scene fading into the background that I am so very grateful to be able to connect to these aspects of me. Malformed or deformed I am always formed in purpose to be my unique self and I am grateful to feel the liberation within this truth seeping deeper into me.

I am formed exactly as I intended myself to be, I am perfectly imperfect, I am welcomed and needed, I am Serafice and I am the I am.

You can access Serafice’s profile at or at her website,

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