I was going to be a Veterinarian

Candace Craw-Goldman wearing a vet scrub top in a veterinary office

Published Monday December 2, 2024 by Candace Craw-Goldman

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For much of my life… truly, so much, I wanted to be a veterinarian. I planned that until one very specific day- I was about 15. My mom was trying to begin a program of self-administered allergy shots that could be injected at home. Our neighbor was a doctor, and his wife was helping Mom in our kitchen. Standing near the stove, at our house I remember this exact scene vividly still.

Mrs. Peters was showing Mom how to inject herself with these allergy shots, by first having her practice on an orange. Mom was pretty helpless and hopeless about the whole thing so Mrs. Peters suggested I could do this for Mom instead and had me practice on the orange. That worked out okay. Then, it was time to put the needle into mom’s arm.

Talk about a memorable moment.

It’s not like anything bad happened. Nothing bad did happen. I stood there with a NEEDLE midair and my whole future life plan fell apart.

I could not (at that time) and would not (at that time) put a needle in mom’s arm. I immediately thought, “If I was a veterinarian, I would have my days filled with needles, knives, pills and more.” Yes, the goal was “helping” animals, that I loved so very much, but I knew fully and completely that I didn’t want a life like that. I did not want to stick needles in animals’ bodies. I didn’t want to see them hurt or broken or worse. I wanted nothing of the kind. I just wanted to be with and talk with the animals and love them. Yes, help them when I could, too.

And how prescient, really, I am currently very much “anti-needle” anything. It is almost like the future smacked me in the face through a window in time. It was almost as though at that moment I knew that somehow, I would find myself in a much different world where I knew that a syringe might even represent “the enemy.” The moment and the realization was so huge I can recreate the moment clearly in my mind. All the details! The temperature of the room, the smells of the kitchen and my Mom’s face cream. It was summer. I can even remember the shirt my mom was wearing and the fresh from the beauty shop haircut of Mrs. Peters.

I walked out of that kitchen wondering what my future would hold. Because vet school was suddenly off the table.

The work I am doing now is infinitely more suited to me, and it absolutely includes animals! It includes individual creatures in my life, clients’ pets and animals make frequent appearances in BQH sessions. Sometimes clients experience the life of a bird, a fish or even a dinosaur. Sometimes the animals bring messages. So many connections.

Waking up not long ago the morning after an interview I recorded with Will and Allison Brown– the third in a series where we communicate with my new beautiful horse, Hickory, I opened my eyes to a satisfying kind of wonderful happiness. Immediately I realized it was because of our time together communicating with this amazing equine. And yes, while it was very personal, because it had to do with my beautiful new heart horse HICKORY- so much of it had to do with the space we are in right now, creating, together, this thing I hope can expand with connections/stories/projects and animals of ALL KINDS. So much of this has to do with Allison and Will’s talents and skills, and their generous natures and loving selves.

Having all the animals in my own personal life has been love-filled and so gratifying. A lot of work at times for sure. But that larger desire to “help” them…maybe wasn’t quite filled until recently. It felt like, when I opened my eyes, that maybe some of what our Animal Talk Series can accomplish can do that! It really felt like a full circle moment for me. A vision to connect to, help the animals and create…so much fun.

NO NEEDLES REQUIRED.