The Blue Man and His Heart

Published Saturday May 11, 2024 by Serafice Cordova

A BQH Session Story

I thought it might be fun to share the visions I have experienced while receiving Beyond Quantum Healing (BQH) sessions from a variety of wonderful practitioners. Here is a scene from my very first induction…

…I find myself trudging through the scalding hot sand, barefoot, clutching my chest and lamenting the great and terrible destiny that has been forced upon me I am large, blue, male, muscular, and naked save for a heavy kilt or leather skirt that stops short of the knee. I feel “too big” for this place, my presence is overwhelming in the environment as I tower from a height that seems out of scale. Every breath is a reminder that I am not from here, every movement a struggle against the uncomfortable density of this planet, every moment is agony. The air stings my lungs with unfamiliar scents and indecipherable data.

I am foreign, an interloper, heartbroken, in great distress, and pained beyond my capacity. I have been forced to an unfamiliar world at the insistence of authorities to whom I once swore allegiance, but I now curse and disavow. I have been sent far from home, rejected, exiled, abandoned to a place that is alien and offers me nothing that I care to claim.

The sand is too hot for my bare feet, but I continue, drawn through the punishing sunlight to eventually climb up smooth marble stairs that offer a chill in sharp contrast to my freshly scorched soles. As I begin to climb up a giant pyramid structure I am overcome with the sensations of my hot, hurt feet meeting the cold, hard steps with bursts of pain that echo the searing in my chest and roiling emotions. The sensation is exquisite and nearly breaks me as I continue to force myself onward using my hands to help me climb. I am only my discomfort, feel only pain, know only an aching desire to not be where I am.

I hate this place so much! None of the comforts of home, all this overwhelming and distracting contrast, no one with whom to commune, nothing familiar or consoling, no anchors to which I can attach. I am abandoned, I feel lost, I want different, and I refuse to listen to the parts of me that seek to console me. I am so hurt, so torn, so worn, alone and forlorn, focused on my ascent as my heart aches and churns within my chest and I climb in misery oozing rejection.

As I get to the top of the pyramid structure towering over the landscape I am greeted by a view of the sea to the right and mountainous jungle encroaching to the left and the small village where the locals live straight ahead snuggled along a hillside nestled into the protective canopy of trees. I can see the people there moving about like little ants and recognize they are agitated by my presence here on this holy structure, but I don’t care to consider them. They are beneath me; they are meaningless and unimportant, or so I keep telling myself, and I am too distracted by my current situation to pay them any attention. My assignment is to care for and protect them, teach them, and help them but they hate me and are suspicious. I just want to go home.

I look up to the sky and roar angrily towards where I know my family is, how dare they discard me here without any way to return with simply a promise and a request to trust. How can I trust when I have been kicked out, left alone and they refuse to answer any of my calls for help. ‘You have everything you require’ they said to me when I was sent away and how dare they believe so!

I look down at the broken tool in my hand, it was supposed to be a connection to home and to all the technology available there. It was a device for healing, communing, advancing, and convening but mine was broken and could no longer be used. I had tried to send a distress signal, but my device was beyond repair and offered no hope for rescue, reassurance, or renewal. I drop it angrily on the ground allowing it to break further and shake my fists at the sky howling in my discontent. How dare my needs be ignored!!

My heart shifts and moves within my chest offering quietly that perhaps I am overreacting, that things are not as dire as I am making them out to be and that if I simply remember my lessons and return to my practices, I will certainly find a better solution than all this angst and drama. A small quiet voice from deep within my chest whispers “I love you and with love, all things are possible.”

NO! I refuse to even consider that there may be an alternative to having a temper tantrum and amplifying my hurt and fear to lash out at the reality I so despise. I wish for all to know my wrath!! I rail and rage, determined to shut up that small voice offering love as a solution. I will NOT be treated in this manner! I will not be unfairly forced, summarily dismissed, and treated with such lack of regard!! I will not listen, I will not accept, I will not surrender, I will not calm down, I will not stop!!!!!

With a great wrenching and terrible pain my heart suddenly leaps out of my chest, it rips itself out of my body and transforms into a large white and black bird leaving me as an open and sucking wound. A shock wave moves through me, and I feel an intense sense of loss as I gasp in grief. I am now truly bereft without my core, without my heart, without my love. The bird circles once and a part of me recognizes it as a condor as it says again in a gentle voice: “if you won’t listen then I will have no choice but to leave” and I gather my waning strength to scream out in my last bit of rage “then go away and leave me too, I don’t care, I don’t need you!!” and to my astonishment it flies far, far away disappearing into the sky. Leaving me more than alone; leaving me as broken as the tool that connected me to my home and the life I had before this horrible planet.

I collapse in a heap sobbing, crying, keening, wretched and lost, incomplete and left behind. So full of resentment and anger, so disenchanted, so attached to identifying myself as being cruelly abandoned and without hope that I don’t even resist when the locals come for me. I am without the will to survive and since they have a use for the shell that I have become, they rip me to pieces, disemboweling me, recycling my flesh and finding benefit in scattering my remains to nourish their crops and feed their sacred purpose.

I sink into my shame; I am unworthy of rescue, I am orphaned, gutted and without the most precious part of myself. I let go of will and release fighting as my blood spills upon the hot sand. I stop railing and surrender, allowing myself to be consumed by the earth I had resisted for so long. I am absorbed into the fertile ground, losing the singularity of separation, letting go of the individual identity of the bereft blue man who lost his heart. The collection of energies, memories, and details of who I was disbursed into the macrocosm of the world, all that I was seeps into the collective, mingles with the mycelium and integrates with the soil. Before I lose touch with who I was completely and find my peace I have one last thought “At least my heart knows where to find me should it ever wish to return,” as I drift out of coherence.

~*~

As you can imagine this scene lingered with me well past the session as did the love that bloomed from the experience for all of me, the one who was forced to stay and the one who fled. What a terrible way to go, what a lonely mission and no wonder I still felt the reverberation of this wounding in my current embodiment, I was so deeply and fundamentally fractured by my choices. I also kept finding myself wondering about the bird, concerned about my heart scavenging and searching in that long-lost life. And I am incredibly grateful for the ability to find love for all of myself, to feel love blooming within for all of the experiences I have had and the beings that I have chosen to be. I feel love enough to call back what had been lost, love enough to fill up the wounds and spill out into a sense of wholeness that I had not even realized I was missing. I feel love coursing through me and sealing me into completion in this generous now.

My heart has returned, just the simple act of allowing for its existence called it back to me. The bird that was once a heart scorned has flown back, reborn to teach me about everlasting love. A phoenix bright and strong birthed out of my insistence to love myself completely, renewed in my sacred vow to welcome all the parts of myself, my promise to embrace the me that feels rejected and the me that has rejected, too. A dedication to care for, listen to, and show up for all of me. To love every iota, every choice, every aspect, every moment of Being with which I am blessed. I am the blue man and I am his heart and I am the authority that sent him to his fate. I am whole and I am holy. I am Serafice and I am the I am.

Serafice is many things, including an amazing Quantum Healer. Learn more about her Here or visit her website at https://serafice.com

2 Comments

Serafice Cordova says:

Thank you Eric! I am glad you enjoyed my share and yes, I am happy to gift the Blue Man as many possibilities and opportunities and timelines he requires to find his way. <3

2024-05-14 at 6:26 AM

Eric Millman says:

Thank you for sharing this session with us. This really touch me deep, much truth revealed.. Many times in this incarnation I identify with this blue man. I feel his pain just reading your passage. So beautifly written.

The quest to be our best reguires us to switch gears dig deeper and find the where passion and purpose still live. To harness our courage despite the isolation and being the outcast.

In times of dispare, consider keeping our pilot light lit and point it towards our dreams. If we find ourselves boxed in as the blue man was, then we still can ditch the failing mission and take up a new one. We do not know if we will pass this way again. Is it important to make the most of this experience while given the chance to do so ? I just want to see if we can give the blue man another possible possible time line to consider. The wisdom gained from blue man’s experiences are still priceless just as it is. Thank You Blue Man.

2024-05-12 at 2:16 PM

The Blue Man and His Heart

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