The Coins

The Coins

Consciousness Explorations

“You have a choice, it’s your choice.” These are the words which I heard over and over as the pressure raged inside my head. At times it really felt like my head was ready to burst.

“There are no more attachments, they’ve all been cleared, now it’s up to you, the choice is yours.” Fellow Quantum Healer Ronald DeWald, the originator of Metaphysical Hypnosis, was patient, so patient and working so hard, but the pressure in my head was peaking again.

Finally, pulling out of it somewhat, he posed the inevitable question, “What’s going on?”


“I know something’s going on I can see the struggle”

Struggle. I never thought of it as a struggle, just incapacitating pressure that built up in my head, often when other practitioners were trying to work with me on areas that I requested. At times, the pressure was there even when I was working on myself. So if there is a struggle then there would need to be two sides working against each other. In one head. Yeah, that could cause a lot of pressure. So what are these two sides and why are they working against each other?

We’re the creator of ourselves. We’re the master of ourselves. Nothing happens that we don’t allow. All healing comes from within. Everything is a learning experience. Everything we do is for a positive reason. These sayings, which I knew all too well, and had applied many times in my life, kept running through my head over and over and over again.

So what is this pressure trying to accomplish? And why, in healing sessions and courses when practicing with other students, does my mind go blank? When I need to consider a problem to work on or respond with what I’m feeling about certain things it’s like my memory has been wiped clean, and I’m left with a totally blank slate. The only way that I could do these practice sessions was to prepare a few things to work on in advance, then I could read them to get going.

Once, when doing a practice coaching session with another student, (who was very intuitive), I noticed that everything was going fine until a certain point. Later when re-listening to the session and looking back at what was happening internally with me at that point I realized that I started feeling uncomfortable and shutting down when she started veering off in what I considered to be “the wrong” direction.

So why would I shut down because someone else was going in the wrong direction? Was it thinking it was a waste of time? No. Shutting down wastes more time than just going along with what is happening.

There was a fleeting thought that ran through my mind when I was talking to Ron after our session… I didn’t want him to do something that I didn’t want done. Bingo! This was about protection, safety.  I didn’t feel safe!

In a recent session that I had with Pamela Aaralyn, she mentioned that I wasn’t able to open my heart and express my emotions unless I felt safe. Ron emphasized trusting myself and working on self-confidence. And I knew that being uncomfortable with something was connected with fear, often of the unknown and often having to do with protection.

Then it all came together in a tapestry full of color, tied together by the idea of a coin mentioned in a conversation with Ron in our session. Every coin has two sides. Sometimes as we’re holding the coin, or idea, and looking at one side we forget that there is another side. Fear and safety are two sides of the same coin. Just because we aren’t feeling fear doesn’t mean that we feel safe. At times we may not be afraid of doing something but we might not feel safe enough to allow ourselves to do it.

So with the pressure that I felt in my head… I wasn’t afraid of the practitioners who were working with me, but I didn’t feel safe enough to go along with what they were doing. Why didn’t I feel safe enough? Because I didn’t have the trust and confidence in myself to know that I was in my own hands, not theirs, and nothing could happen that I didn’t allow. And since this knowing was not on a conscious level the subconscious produced incapacitating pressure and a blank mind to protect these boundaries of feeling safe.

Once this opened up, a whole slew of other protective patterns around the feeling of being safe opened up to be observed and worked through. As an example and tied in to this idea was a learned habit of workarounds. Creating and utilizing alternative ways to get or avoid things that I couldn’t get by asking for directly was picked up at a very young age. Looking back I’m sure that there was more to my constantly being injured than keeping up with my two older brothers. And if pain was inadvertently a good thing back then it will be quite interesting to see, having realized the reason for the head pressure, how any other pain will be for me going forward.

The two sides of the coins of outcomes and emotions…looking behind the faces of the twin coins staring at us from the tabletop, can be a very worthwhile endeavor.

Blessings, Love & Light,

Malka Ahern is a Quantum Healer who practices in Brooklyn, New York. You can find out more about her on her website,

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