Everything In My Life Changes Like Magic! Part Three

Published Tuesday January 8, 2019 by [email protected]

Following My Heart Straight to BQH
A four-part series by Mary Elizabeth Donald

Everything in My Life Changes Like Magic! Part three

In the first two parts of this series, I talked about how after years of living in unconscious pain and self-hatred (Part One), I had a powerful, instantaneous spiritual awakening that changed everything in my life (Part Two). I began devoting all my energy toward healing, and I realized that I was in control of what I experienced in my life.

As time went on, everything changed. My relationships healed and deepened for the first time, I discovered what it really felt like to love and appreciate others. Since the “Old Mary” had carried around a deep, stabbing loathing for herself, it had been impossible for me to truly love others. I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to finally feel pure love and affection for my beautiful mother, whereas before annoyance, resentment, and tolerance were the prevalent emotions. It makes me cry every time to think of how lucky I am that after forty years, I got to heal that relationship with my mother. I could have gone my whole life feeling angry with her and never appreciating her. What a gift!

It wasn’t just my mother though, all my relationships changed. Some people faded out, some people faded in. Some people didn’t appreciate the disappearance of “Old Mary”, and challenged the new me. It’s not all sunshine and roses (yet), but all my relationships have become more authentic, even if they are bringing up old patterns and pain as I learn how to unconditionally love and accept others. Relationships show us who we are on the inside, they mirror our inner state and provide endless opportunity for growth, if we allow it.

There have been so many changes. I lost weight and effortlessly became more attractive. My desire to get drunk every night faded away, my driving changed from angry and aggressive to patient, slow and relaxed. I got promoted at work, dating became a breeze as I lost the need to be a part of a ‘couple’ relationship. I completely lost my taste for meat and became a vegetarian, and I wanted to spend more time in nature.

I stopped sleeping all day like a vampire and started waking up early in the morning. I stopped picking at my cuticles until they were ripped and bloody, a bad habit I developed in high school and despaired of every stopping. My nails are long, healthy, and pretty now for the first time in my life. I completely lost the desire to watch television or movies. Silence became rich with peace, whereas before I always needed some type of background noise to chase away my thoughts.

So many changes! Literally everything transformed effortlessly as I finally started loving myself and therefore loving everything else. Since after all, everything is just ME!

The feelings I was experiencing were nothing short of blissful a good majority of the time, from the very first day I woke up. Of course, there was also plenty of pain and tears as I uncovered and shined light on the darkness inside of me. They don’t call it spiritual “work” for nothing! It can be a heart-wrenching, messy, imperfect, sometimes even a scary process. But so worth it! Nothing is more worth it! Sometimes you gotta get dirty if you want to really get things clean.

As love poured into my life, I started to relax a lot more. Relaxing and flowing is my main motto. Everything is perfect, my job is to just get myself out of the way so I can see it.

The joy and peace continued to expand, blowing my mind on a daily basis. After three years of this healing growth, it became intolerable to continue working at my job, although I had fun there in my new state-of-mind. My heart said, “This isn’t for you any more.” So, I quit.

My heart said to pack up and leave, to give away my possessions, so that is what I did. My heart is so loud and strong. It makes itself very clear…and maybe it always has. I just didn’t have enough faith in myself to listen to it before. My fears and shame used to scream louder, I couldn’t hear anything else.

As I prepared to leave for parts unknown, I wasn’t sure how I was going to support myself, or what was going to happen in my life. All I knew is that I had enough money to go and live for a while, and nothing had ever felt so right.

I have always had a driving need to write, it’s been a constant in my life since I could first form letters. My whole life I carried a hidden dream of supporting myself with my writing, but I never believed in myself enough to think I could make it happen. While I wrote copiously and constantly over the years, it was never for anyone else to read. The second I tried to write for others, my oh-so-harsh self-critic would set in, where I would become overwhelmed, which lead me to go write in my private journal about what a failure I was.

In my old fantasies, I would be writing strings of best-selling novels, but as I have evolved over the last four years, it’s becoming very clear that my role here on earth to help others, and that my writing will somehow be a part of that. I have been so lucky to find this kind of peace and joy inside of me, and now I naturally want more than anything, to help others find the same. Of course! It’s a no-brainer. We heal ourselves and then we help others heal. Just like on an air plane when they instruct us to secure our own air mask before assisting others. Maybe all this work I have been doing is not just for me.

I have been in Thailand now for almost eight months, and it’s been absolutely wonderful. I spend every day in quiet solitude. Writing, reading, learning, meditating, listening to music, walking, and just delving ever deeper into myself. Trusting that my path forward will be revealed at the right time, and I don’t need to worry for a second. I am in paradise inside my mind now, so of course my external reality is reflecting that, and will continue to reflect it. That is how this universe works!

It felt right to start a blog to share my journey with the world (journalstolove.com), so I did that about six months ago. I don’t think many people are reading it yet, and that’s totally fine. Everything is fine! I feel so utterly relaxed as my future slowly reveals itself. Gratitude is the name of the game, my heart explodes with it.

Even as I spent my time in Thailand working on myself full-time, I still wasn’t sure exactly how the future would unfold in front of me. This is where BQH showed up, and entered the picture.

To Be Continued in Part Four – Led Right to BQH and a Fulfilling Career as a Healer

Click Here For Part One: Part One – I Was Creating My Own Hell
Click Here For Part Two: I Wake Up and Realize I Can Create Heaven

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